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Friday, November 12, 2004

Thought of the day :: Pavlovian Conditioning..... wats going on in the human mind...

i officially had enuff of stupid psychology!!! too much theorIES to know... wats more... I HAVE to REMEMBER all of them!!! YEAH... its my choice.. and so shall it be.. let me die in the most terrible way ever... yeah... the psychology death....

hmmmmm... getting abit cranky eh..? i tink i dropped a screw at Fortitude Valley this afternoon... well well well....

this morning i woke up in bed remembering having tears flow down my face jus before i step into zzZZzZZzZz land.... as i tried to recall yesterday nite..........
i laid in bed.... thoughts overwelmed me... suddenly... i really dunno why... it hasnt been like this for some time now... still... it makes me terribly upset... was jus thinking of wat would be the first thing i'd do when i get back to singapore......is it going to be that long dragful drive... to a place so peaceful and quiet it send shivers down my spine.... a place tt nobody would wanna go... yet i would end up there on several occasions... i'm sorry... i should have done more... so much more... yet i didnt... i stood by one side and watch... and kept my mouth shut... wat else can i do... i could have done alot more... please forgive me.... i really didnt know how to do it..... i tot i cope well with the lost... i jus regret tt i should have done so much more... can anybody understand how i'm feeling?? can somebody relate to the things i do?? they say, there is always a motivation behind each action... we do something to satisfy another thing..... consciously or not consciously... so wats the motivation behind my action...?? tt im guilty?? guilty of wat?? for not doing my so-called "so much more"?? wat has it gotta do with me??? is my reaction so slow that i only feel this after a few years?? NO... its been like tt since a few years back... and i figured out... its been like this all long... occasionally.. when certain timez draw near ... i would end up like this...
"LORD... i cant forgive myself... are u still there...?? have u left me already...??? have u forsaken me??? are u even there...? am i unforgivable...??"

[lEfT oUr pRiNtZ__*__sIlLyGiRl] at 1:12 am

__________[[.....tIl nExT tImE.....]]____________

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