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Friday, June 17, 2005

why do i do this.............

been quite a week.. hmm.. then again.. not REALLY lah.. have alot of time on my hands now.. relaxing as much as i possibly can before July 8th.. before i protect this country for minimal wages.. yea yea.. its my duty.. but yea.. am lookin forward to it actually...pray for God's strength and guidance and that He will lead me and guide me thru these 2 years. While talkin with Ps Glen abt 2weeks ago he was tellin me abt his experience in NS.. how Christians were the ones drinking and smoking with him.. and how the testimony of a mormon was the one tt really witnessed to him. How this mormon would faithfully kneel at his bed side and pray every day.. and despite his bunk mates poking fun at him and PS GLEN poking fun at him.. he would still just be fervent and not be intimidated.. man.. he must have been prayin for God to convert Ps Glen.. hahaha.. but too bad.. not a mormon! THANK GOD.. wahaha..but.. yea.. awesome testimony lah.. do wanna be used in His hand for His glory in whatever way possible.. "God grant me the grace..."

earlier this week.. met up with the guys to talk some stuff out.. all in all.. yea.. things are cool.. they juz came over to stay last night.. had fun.. playin foozeball and goin swimmin at 1am.. and Jeremy and his "lets have some fun".. "throw something in e water".. "ok.. throw e band Amy gave u into e water..".."i will be able to find it.." ..."actually.. i cant find it".. searchin for tt band for so damn long.. then.. finally find it.. and then.. jeremy....AGAIN... saying he will find it.. AND.... *SIGH*.. nvm.. thank God.. its safe around my wrist again!.. hehehe.. tt bro of mine.. always up to something wacky and nonsensical.. and when i went to pick him up.. hahaha..wanted to drive.. hmm.. wont go into details.. hahaha.. he knows and i know.. tts gd enuff.. talkin abt driving.. went to adam rd food centre wid josh n tim for dinner first.. b4 jeremy joined us.. then.. after dinner.. car park was congested lah.. so.. i wanted to go left.. to go out.. josh said.. no no.. go right.. tt way got way out.. ok.. so i thought ok lar.. less congested.. go there.. DEAD END.. wah liew! feel stupid can!! pple must have been thinkin wat this fellar doin!??.. NVM.. not MY idea.. after swimmin we were playin bridge all e way till abt 5am..and i was like so damn tired.. kept screwing up e game..for me and my partner.. hahaha.. jeremy said when im sleepy its like im drunk or something..hey! tired ah...anyway... slept till abt 7.15 and sent josh and jeremy to work.. then later tim to sch....[baby.. i understand e feeling of driving pple around] .. im not complainin here.. its just tt i understand.. but truth is.. i like driving.. and cars.. talkin abt cars..u guys ever seen this new car.. Dodge Charger?? or.. the Pontiac Solstice? .. how abt e CLASSIC charger.. man!! or Ford Fairlane! okok.. i'll stop.. but.. do check it out.. sUh-WEEET!!

why do i do this...keep disappointing her over and over again... in some way or another..esp yesterday.. hearin tt everything just wasnt e same.. not her usual self.. and..it dawned on me.. she was in my shoes... and.. me and my smart thinkin.. "smart" thinkin.. thinkin tt i will talk to her after she gets done wid her studies.. and.. e question she asked was simple yet so true.. "can u do anything if u know something is bothering me?"... i said "no...".. and yet, i expect her to be able to..*SMACK MY FOREHEAD*..and be e cause for her not studying... in e midst of her exams...baby.. im sorry.. really am.. why is it im always bringin some form of hurt or disappointment to her..how can i do this to my baby.. doin this to someone who has chosen to stand by me no matter wat.. someone who just loves me for who and e way i am.. someone who never fails to brighten up my day with just a simple smile... someone who is brought so much joy into my life.. someone whos gonna walk to ends of e earth with me........why do i... how could i......... baby im sorry....
-sashi



 [lEfT oUr pRiNtZ__*__sIlLyGiRl] at 12:56 pm

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