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*_dAvId SaShI]]
__* ~aLeX~ ]]
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Thought of the day :: alot has been through my mind these dayz...
first of all... ive been trying to look at life on the brighter side these few days as u can see... from my previous entries... all happy happy... chirpy chirpy.... but then again.. life isnt a bed full of roses... hell yeah... it isnt.... was supposed to pass a book to "fren" a few weeks back.. thanx to my best bud MISS YY WONG..... this fren of ours whom i hav known since back in St Margaret's Secondary School.. we were shopping buds and frens tt can tok everything under the sun.... every saturday shopping trips will be full of toks and laughter and our favourite MOS burger meals... or the meals at NOOCH... our Isetan or Mango shopping trips... haha.. im surprised i even remembered... things gone really bad ever since i came over... conflicts starts to surface and i began to see a other side of her... things are getting way too bad now... that i dun tink there's even a "frenship" exist... a frenship that was already lost some time back... this might be the weirdest reason i have ever gave but it's definately not a lie... but some how, to even go and tok to her feels as if a little kid was going to take her exams for the first time... those butterflies in the tummy and the shivering hands... ah well.. maybe its not THAT bad... but its close... i dunno why im feeling like tt... i dowanna see things turn out this way either... but i guess things will nv be the same again... i shall not elaborate on the details of wat happened but the fact that things turn out this bad... trust me... its bad... or maybe, its jus simply me... if i can get over this barrier and go and tok to her.. things will turn out fine... but as the saying goes... "once bitten, twice shy" i dowanna be put in tt kind of situation again. ive know this girl for 8 years and its not til last year tt i hav found out wat kind of person she really is.... i was told... she is a good fren.... i know... but... its not tt i dowanna "save" this frenship.. but... im afraid... thats it... sometimes i will think... is it worth to lose a 8 year old frenship becoz of wat happened... i really dunno... coz the fact is tt... im jus too afraid to go and tok to her.. my fault?? *shrugs* do u guys know.... friendship itself is a very weird thing.... we use to say that being in a relationship its not easy... i guess.. being in a friendship is not as easy either... ive concluded... that as long as there's involvement of 2 or more person... there's bound to be "trouble". when a circle of frens become too large... clicks form and the large group is separated into smaller ones.. some are better with others.. while some other are not as good frens with the rest... maybe i hv been too much of an observer lately.. its sad to see a large group of frens separated due to better clicks else where... its sad to hear things like " i cant be bothered anymore"... where's that unity that frens are suppose to possess?? where's that enjoyment of each other's company that frens share?? i can no longer find it anymore... and the reason behind it?? i really dunno... hang on... dun get me wrong.. i do enjoy the company of jus one other person.. or dinner with the two of u girls are wonderful... i do enjoy every moment of it... but i wish i can do something abt the bigger issue here... but can i?? should i?? are things better when its in a smaller group?? cant things be done with a larger group?? i guess.. conflicts does play a big part in things like this... when a conflict arise from 2 people in this large group of frens... some people will side with one... the rest might side with the other... is there anyone tt will make an effort to sit on the fence?? or is will there be anyone who will bebothered to hear two sides of the story?? maybe im new in the group i dunno how things work.. maybe im jus too naive to see things at the surface.. maybe.. maybe not.... *shurgs* alot of dialogues have been thru my head recently... to stay or not to stay... i wanna go back home... study's become so tough i wanna give up... i cant take it anymore... mummy's going to nag at me if i tell her this... she's always reminding me... "its nv easy when it comes to studying.." but i really wanna give up... the evil voice in my head is telling me i cant do it again... not onli this... its been in my heart for quite some time... but... i wanna go back home... and he wans to stay in singapore... but i tink i wanna do it in brissie.... i hv been tinking and thinking and tinkin... and not to forget prayin as well... Lord.. show me Your way... i wanna go Your way... Lead me.. Guide me.. Use me... i cant do it with my own strength... the voice in my head is telling me i cant do it.. who am i to do it... who am i.... im so not worthy... im so not capable... and i know Lord, i dun... coz its Your strength that i need to see me thru this... its Your hands that i need to be carried in to go thru this... Lord i need You... alwayz.... [lEfT oUr pRiNtZ__*__sIlLyGiRl] at 12:56 am
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